Hello my Lovely followers

Hi every one!! I want to give a quick update on how things are going. My first three months into the program have been incredible. The city is welcoming, the people are friendly, and my self-growth is taking off! We go abroad next week already!

Christmas songs & decorations make me feel down, since I will not be home for the season. I did set up the tree & have some egg nog with my family, however, when I returned to my province for a short amount of time. Sadly, my dear Baba passed away in November. It was difficult to be away while she was ill, and even moreso when she died. At least I got to travel home & be with my loved ones during our tough times.

I am excited to go abroad! Of course, one of my main worries is food - therefore how much weight I will gain while away. I've gained between five to ten pounds over the past three months. It's disgusting. On the plus side, I haven't binged - except when I got word about the funeral and one other time - but I have been eating loads. My host mother is an incredible cook, so food is always available here. I have heard that the host families abroad will try to fatten us up, to make them look like good & wealthy families. Hopefully I get sick of the rice, and can survive on minimal portions. I want to lose this weight!! See you never again twenty pounds!

The people from abroad are really kind. My only issue has to do with, once again, the weight. The girl I live with is 115 pounds and short - so she's super tiny! She eats desserts for breakfast, 3 mini bags of chips a day, and loads of sweets like donuts. But she's still so small! Here I'm munching on salad & counting my bread products every day!! The thing is, she lets us know how big we are. She's said that I'm fat, that I should sit in the front of the car because I'm big, etc. I know it's a different culture, but give me a break! I'm the same size as some of her friends. And realistically, at 130-135 pounds, I'm really not that ginormous for 5' 7.5" Not like she says I am. Here are my thoughts: I'm finally at a place with my body where I'm eating healthy types & amounts of food. While I am at my highest weight, at least I'm giving myself nutrition after years of deprivation. Although I'm not happy with my weight, I am happier with myself as a whole person. She is like that inner cruel voice - the one that brought me to a trouble place with food - but she actually exists! So naturally, this has affected how i interact with her. I will try to be strong through this, lose the weight a healthy way - although she makes me want to take it off like the good old way I used to - and maybe explain the differences between our cultures on body image issues.

I hope you are all doing well! Try to be positive about those admirable bodies you have!!