I'll have snap peas with a side of solitude

I was sick today, for two reasons:

1. lack of sleep - many forced late nights pouring my mind into my final term paper

2. allowed to be - my dad came back, now I am not solely caring for my Baba

I never realized how exhausting how exhausting it is to be a caregiver. My Baba has gone downhill drastically. Lately I've been making all of her meals, pulling up her pants after she goes to the washroom, taking off her stockings, getting up early to get her newspaper, lifting her feet into bed once or twice a night, checking on her every couple hours . . . this besides the usual dishes, cleaning, yard work, etc. 

Please do not take this the wrong way. She is not a burden in any way (as she claims to be) & I love that I have the opportunity to spend time with her. It is just tiring; mostly in a mental way, seeing how rapidly a person can deteriorate. She is such a strong willed person. But sometimes she'll cry at how frustrated she is with her worsened limbs, or sob over something someone said, & I just listen and feel sympathetic. But I cannot cry anymore, it's the strangest thing. I used to cry at everything! I'm either getting desensitized to this or have a heart made of rock. 

I teared up, however, when we read the final speech of The Tempest in my Shakespeare class. As Prospero gave up his magic, Shakespeare seems to give up his pen. After investing six intensive weeks in Shakespeare class, this is both a sad & satisfying ending. I suppose I have a little softness in this heart of mine, maybe a smudge of clay on it or something.

This will be my last class for 14 months. It feels good. As much as I like school, I need to leave it. I need to go help people & see the world. Just one more weekend of studying & I'll be home after my final on Monday! 

This week I ate so much food! I had a crepe (there is a crepe booth at uni, & for the past 2 years I've walked by it nearly every school day & resisted; I finally decided to cave in & try one, I'd say it was worth the wait), chocolate, & even pizza! Ahh. so. bad. And this morning I was still 129. I am pleased. For all this eating, I haven't budged! Although, this summer I have to get on track to good health. Thanks for your comments by the way, you're right, I'm going to work for health! 

Today I just wanted to be & eat alone, since my dad was here to take care of things. Snap peas were on sale today & I will be living off of them all weekend! I've forgotten how delicious those things are!

I tried a step class this week. It was the most intensive workout I've ever gone through! When I come back to uni, I'll make a schedule & take advantage of the classes at the gym (they're paid for in tuition!). I'm thinking yoga (as I've been doing regularly), step, zumba, spin . . . 

Back to the food thing, I even had a banana split! I went to a Passion Party; yes, little chaste me went to a sex toy party. How did I explain to my Baba where I was going? "I'm going out to my friend's little party. We're having ice cream, & she's selling lotion & candles & such. It's like Avon!" Definitely not Avon. It was interesting, & I think it's good to be open about learning about that sort of thing. We had to dress up our bananas (haha!) for the ice cream. I used what I had: leaves from a dying flower for a grass skirt & hazelnuts cut in half for the woman's chest, they came to be Tarzan & Jane. I tried to post a picture but it didn't work, you'll have to use your imagination.

Have a wonderful weekend, whether you're studying, working, relaxing or traveling! Good luck with fasts, healthy eating, & any exercise plans you have for yourself. And please take care of yourselves, you all deserve it.