I wasn't doing well Cinnamon Brown, however, now that I have returned I feel stronger & enthusiastic.
Let's just say, they used to call February Break "Suicide Week" for a reason. I returned to my self-destructive ways over the break. I thought I was changing, I felt positive & alright with myself, but going home to the old comforts & family dynamics, I returned to who I used to be. When I get angry like that, I feel as thought I split into two people. The real me turns even more passive & fragile than usual, and the other part grows full of cruelty & violence. For e.g. when I drove in a state of being two, I would be frightened at my unpredictability; feeling as though the dark me may drive the vehicle off a bridge or something completely uncalled for. I am stable now, thankfully.
This downfall isn't the real reason I came back, I returned because I miss you all so much. Although I was eating normally, as normal gets for me, I was still reading your blogs. I laughed at your silly remarks, cheered for your triumphs, had faith in your strengths... You are all such wonderful people and I am delighted to be back. Stay excellent :)
I'm so sorry that you had such a tough time. I do know how you feel when you say you feel as though you split in 2. I feel like I've been ripped into several pieces some days. All these personalities in me fighting for dominance. It's quite exhausting, really! Most people shake their heads and say things like: "Oy, artists!", but some days I wonder! All I can say is, anxiety's a bitch!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry my blog has been such a snore lately. I want to get back into the swing of things as of next week, but this week I must finish up a few outstanding projects!
Once again, I'm so glad you're back and I hope you have a great rest of the week!
Oceans of love. <3. XXX.
I'm glad you're back and doing much better! Like I probably said before, this community is so supportive and great! I hope you don't have any more "dark weeks" like you just described. Times like that are so depressing and nothing good comes out of them- I hope you have more bright and happy days ahead!
ReplyDelete♥