Let me put this in perspective of Lent: I gave up bingeing (oops), and tried to give up anxiety (oops, that caused the binge), and gave up peanut butter (actually followed that one). I am sure Jesus is greatly disappointed.
The good thing is, I did not have any BREAD available to stuff my face with. Instead I had: 1 cup of gelato (180 cals), 2 servings of oatmeal (1. oatmeal mixed with melted earth balance & 75% dark chocolate, & 2. oatmeal mixed with ground flax seed (bring on the natural laxatives!), cinnamon, & honey), a load of raw sunflower seeds (hello fat), handful of raisins, leftover frittata, which is made of spinach & eggs & I added mustard (it's a bad sign when I eat leftovers, I am desperately empty), and hot apple cider. I feel so bloated. Plus it was raw oatmeal, so isn't digesting so well . . .
Fuck.
Somehow I do not think this is related to school.
I think it is to do with my Mom. She is coming tomorrow. We have talked, ohh, about a grand total of 5 times this month. I have given up on being dependent & needy & having to be the one who makes the effort to call. What happens when I don't call? She does not call. Joy.
I hate when you cannot depend on people. So guess what, I am going to depend on myself. Yes, I'll visit my Mom this weekend, especially since I need her vehicle to drive to the far side of the city to get my glasses :p But I'm not dropping all of my plans (sadly, most are related to studying. I'll be going to a movie with a friend, but I said "no" to a bar Birthday invite since I have so much to do, & on a side note I don't need more facebook elephant pictures of me) just because she's coming to the city for the 3rd time since I moved here (almost 2 years ago. Might I remind you all, I live with HER MOTHER & only a few hours drive away for that matter, it's not like she has to book a hotel after a 10 hour flight).
Yes, I am being a hypocrite. She is FINALLY making an effort (and of course I want to spend time with her) & I am not making one back. I've never been one to act the way I should, why would I start now?
Thanks for reading my rant, the brackets make it hard to understand, but I'm tired of editing my writing (ohh term papers). I am officially disallowing myself to eat any more food at night, unless it is fruit or veggies.
Tomorrow I am dragging my ass to the gym! My two papers for the week will be done, & I need to burn off this anger & load of fat.
Cheers all!
This picture is from Mae (BirdBirdBird) 's blog. She is amazing, you must check out:
http://birdbirdbird-mae.blogspot.com/
And I will do that Versatile Blogger sometime Tali!!!
That sounds like a pretty healthy binge, so I wouldn't beat myself up too much for it. And that oatmeal sounds effing amazing.
ReplyDeleteHope things work out with your mum. :/ She sounds like my father. I don't think I'd ever hear from him again if I didn't call once a month.
xoxo
Best of luck with your mom's visit. I went through a really rough patch with my mom when I was in college where we didn't get along for more than a year. I'm not entirely sure how I managed to fix it, but I know I started to try really hard to see things from her perspective and just take a deep breath when it was clear that she would never see mine.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, don't worry about the binge, just make today and tomorrow better. We are going to get down to 125 this month - we can do it!
I had a very similar day to this last week (overwhelmed with school, a parent driving me crazy, and late night binge to top it all off). Hang in there hun its a new month and a new opportunity to take control of your eating and stress levels. Stay strong, talk to your mom, and try not to let it all wear you down. You can do this!
ReplyDeleteI binged today, as well. Well, I say we bust our asses with cardio asap. You'll be okay. You'll get yourself back up to speed. Oh and enjoy your time with your mom. At least you're seeing her and at least you want to see her. Some kids (like me...) can only see their parents as the people who have ruined life for them. Take care, my love.
ReplyDeleteDon't be too hard on yourself about the binge. You can get right back on track!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you like that picture and my blog. Thanks for the shoutout. xo
Jesus in NOT disappointed for your slight Lent mess up! What matters is that fact that you made those goals and you tried to stick with them! :) It's hard to find other people in your life whom you can depend on- but you're right, the only person you can ever depend on 24/7 is yourself (and Jesus of course ^^). I like that pic- before & afters are so encourgaing! It shows us that if they can do it, so can we!
ReplyDelete♥