2 point 5

Two point five.

The number of hours I slept last night.

First,
Welcome new followers :)

Today's intake:

Breakfast: black coffee

Lunch: diet coke

Dinner: 1/2 c Fibre One cereal (100)

Snack: 1/2 donut (125 max), iced tea (90), sleepy time tea

Total 315 calories

Walked to school this morning (-80 kcals) just to wake up my wired yet tired self. It was freezing out, windy, numbing, I could hardly feel a thing.

I was in bed last night by 12:30 am, was wide awake until 3:30, & woke up wired at 6. Two. point. five. Living off of that and 5 hours of sleep from the night before, I have never been more of a zombie than I was today. Everything swayed and yawned, and the stairs moved and jumped as I tried to focus my way down them.

The freakiest part was attending my great aunt's prayers. The limousine ride whirled past the city lights, the funeral chapel room swirled with familiar and unfamiliar faces, the body in the casket seemed more real than reality.

And my heart broke off in chunks thinking of her daughter, over 55 years old, never married, no siblings, no job, & now no Mom. The poor girl. I hope she will be ok with everything.

I talked to people a million miles a minute today. Not an exaggeration. My thoughts couldn't link. I couldn't remember what they had told me before, our conversations went in circles, that I continuously fueled.

There were only donuts & danishes to eat, and juice & coffee to drink at the prayers. I had to get something with all of those eyes on me.

I settled for the plainest donut I could find, which had devilish hidden chocolate cream in the centre. I never even finished half before I nonchalantly covered with a napkin, and swallowed my few bites with a bit of iced tea. Nice.

It is back. The crying. The random spurts of sadness that come from nowhere. You all haven't seen me like this yet. I thought this November it would be different; no, at the tail end of it the sadness has come. It lingers. For how long, I cannot say, but I feel it. Welcome to my lovely abyss.