Illegal Post

Okay, I realize I said I wouldn't post until I'm under 130, but I'm not so great at following restriction rules - with food and blogging apparently.

I hope will make November go better that this.

Last night I went to the bar with a couple friends and even more friends were unexpectedly there too. It was so much fun!! I wasn't too drunk, but I always dance kind of slutty at the bar.. I mean, most people do right? And it's not like I would go home with any guy, I mean I'm a virgin, I don't exactly get around. Once I have a little alcohol in my system and music going, I just want that connection with another person - not sex, just that flirtatious connection. Alcohol becomes my excuse for fulfilling that. Last night I danced and made out with this gorgeous guy. We couldn't hear each other so we left the dance floor and went to the back to talk. My friend texted me "Don't leave with him." Haha like I was planning on that. She found me a few minutes later and we went to the washroom to talk. This guy is legendary for getting with girls, and even a number of my friends there last night. Coincidence or what? I come from a 5000 population small town, so there that would never happen, I mean, you know every guy and his last name and probably his grandparents. Now in a city with a 260,000 population, I have to ask myself what the chances are of me being with this legendary guy. I guess that's why he's a legend.

He kept grabbing my love handles while we were dancing and all I could think was "aren't you repulsed?" I just felt so fat. Especially next to my gorgeous friend who looked like a lovely twig with legs up to her chin. And my huge arms - or rather "arm," I wore an asymmetrical dress - ughh. I need to be thin. And I need to stop saying that. I have to act it.

After finding out this was the legendary guy I danced with another one. They both drove bikes and were extremely proud of them, by the way. Hmm. Guess I was going for the dangerous boys last night. So on the dance floor with this second guy I couldn't hear anything at all that he was saying, not even his name. Then he said "You are beautiful." Well I heard that one!! I would love to feel that way. I feel fortunate with my health and the fact I have a functioning body that can do amazing things and for my face, but it's the part I can control that I'm not happy with. Everything else is fine, except for the parts that it's my job to make them much better.

Well this guy and I talked and he tried kissing me, but I decided making out with one guy at a bar is more than enough. That was night number one at the bar, I'll let you know how tonight's pub crawl experience goes.

P.S. I'm fat. Help???